A sketch I did of a model from a Anthropology catalog… I drew it a few months ago so I could do a lot better now but… eghh…
I don’t know what’s going on… I feel lost. Who am I? I act differently, my personality changes, and I feel like I’m sinking. Have you ever felt so low that no matter how hard you try and how high you climb, you just get lower? I keep trying to get out but it’s like a black hole that keeps pulling me back. Why do I always have to be the happy one? I have bad days too. But next time you want me to cheer you up or jump around, try remembering all the times you pushed me away. Try remembering all the times you left without me, looked to the side and thought less of me than all the others around you. I can be pretty too. I can be funny too… And just because I look down on myself doesn’t mean you can too. Why do you pretend? If you don’t like me, don’t pretend you do…. I’m insecure already without being excluded by those who I believed to be my friends. Do you mean to do it? Or am I just the type of person people always forget about.
Why can’t they see that I’m sinking?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks6Kiw_PuyI SING by: MY Chemical Romance
I haven’t posted for a long time… and I don’t think that its actually negligence this time as much as fear. I don’t want to post something that I don’t mean, or that I don’t feel is good enough, or that I can’t trust to accurately represent what I’m trying to say. Lately though, a lot has happened in my life… Like how my cousin died. Found dead in a ditch on the side of the road, my mom (his aunt) found out about it during the reception after my God-brother’s brothers wedding (yeah I know, it’s both confusing and terribly bad-timing for that type of phone-call) and she missed practically the whole thing because she removed herself from the party to go cry near the front door of the restaurant for about a half an hour. We tried Googling his name after that and a few days articles with details of the situation actually came up- saying that he had been sent to the coroner’s office for an autopsy and that they believed the cause of death to be a hit and run… But now they’re going back on that, saying the death could have been from natural causes- like he was too drunk. He was reported to be walking across the street on the way home from a party, and he and his brother weren’t always the best behaved kids in the family but… wow. My mom was devastated, and my uncle flew back home from where he works on the military based in Guam to deliver Dustin’s body to the funeral home himself. The world is crazy sometimes, and even with all the bad in his life, I can’t help but hope that there may be some good or meaning that may come from his death.
I haven’t posted in a while… To be honest I suppose I just haven’t been in much of a blogging mood. Had the flu earlier this month, screamed when fun. won TWO Grammys (I SOOO called it), and sang at the top of my lungs at their concert where I was less than five (FIVE) people away from Nate Ruess, the lead singer. <3 It was the best night of my life amongst one of the worst school years. My friends still haven't gotten over that nasty little habit of theirs where they continually argue amongst each other, and nearly all of them are still planning on leaving the school. I'm signed up as the Assistant Stage manager for my school's One Act play, 'Shadows' which will be performed for competition during spring break. Also, Basketball season's over. Im still expected to practice with the team but as a member of just the JV team and not Varsity as well, it’s not mediatory for me as I have no games left myself. Oh- and lastly I entered a wood-block print from art class into the regional contest we participate in and won third. I suppose they like boring buildings built at an odd angle.
Okay, so if you’ve been with my blog for a while or read through some of my old posts, then you should already know that I post about music I like nearly every day, and that my first ever song-post was about fun’s “Aim & Ignite” album… I believe I also mentioned at the time that they’re my favorite band EVER…
AND I’M SEEING THEM IN CONCERT ON THE 12TH!!!!!!!
We just got the tickets today and I’m EXTATIC… (still freaking out!) Sorry, I bet this post is full of errors and the words probably don’t flow well at all but I’m too hyper at the moment to check my own grammar. 🎶🎶
Often times I’ll find myself in the passenger seat of a car just looking out the window. Now you’re probably thinking, ‘Thats not so special, everybody looks out windows’ but if you just stop and think about it, windows are actually a lot cooler than most people give them credit for being. It’s like watching a movie, or taking a picture- You see everything but are completely un-involved with the events that occur. Really I’m not sure why I’m writing this… I suppose I just like to sound smart or feel philosophical sometimes, but either way you have to agree, when you’re feeling bad and then you look out a window it’s… I don’t know. I don’t have the words to describe it. Empty and full at the same time- you know that feeling where you’re paying attention to nothing? That’s the best way I can think to describe it. I’ll see a person on the sidewalk and I’ll just wonder what their story is. Everybody has one… Or will have one. Hardship isn’t something someone can just escape from. The man’s mom could have the Alzheimer’s disease. The lady’s sister could have committed suicide when they were young. The teen’s parents could be going through a divorce. The child could be living the third foster home this month. But still they can smile. People are good at heart- and there’s always hope. I honestly believe that the reason I enjoy music, movies, television, and reading so much is because I don’t like to think about what life would be like if I put the book down. That’s why, in modern society, the entertainment industry is so influential. People don’t like to open their windows. It’s easier to just leave them closed and look the other way.
What’s your story, and are you ready to face it?
What Love means to a 4-8 year old: A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ’What does love mean?’ The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined
See what you think:
‘When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ – Rebecca, age 8
‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ – Billy, age 4
‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ – Karl, age 5
‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ –Chrissy, age 6
‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ -Terri, age 4
‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.’ – Danny, age 7
‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss’ – Emily, age 8
‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.’ –Bobby, age 7
‘If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate” –Nikka, age 6
‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it everyday..’ –Noelle, age 7
‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ –Tommy, age 6
‘During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ – Cindy, age 8
‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ –Clare, age 6
‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ –Elaine, age 5
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ –Chris, age 7
‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ -Mary Ann, age 4
‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ –Lauren, age 4
‘When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ – Karen, age 7
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross..’ –Mark, age 6
‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ –Jessica, age 8
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, ‘Nothing , I just helped him cry’.